First of all I would like to say that "The Breakfast Club" is one of my favorite movies. Great story, great cast, awesome dialogue and an on point representation of teenage angst. However, a couple of thoughts came to me upon my latest viewing.
1. You DO NOT want to smoke weed with Andrew Clark
The pot smoking scene is one of my favorites, if only for the realism of it, at least most of it. You have Bender, Claire and Brian smoking a joint and, surprisingly, it hits the nail on the head. Movies usually portray pot smokers as burnouts and general goofballs. While Claire and Brian act kinda goofy, it's mainly the fact that they are amateur tokers. I love how Bender just sits back and seems to enjoy these rookie smokers, the veteran corrupting the newbies.
Everything is going swimmingly until we get a glimpse of what Andy is up to. We find out that he is hotboxing the Foreign Languages room, and emerges as the Incredible fucking Hulk. He storms out of the room with a hellish look in his eyes and proceeds to run a track meet around the library, disrobing in the process. After his lap, he goes back into the FL room and lets out a beastly scream that shatters the glass door in the process. (How Vernon didn't hear that ruckus is beyond me) Imagine how much of a buzzkill this guy would be if he was in your circle of friends. You're passing around a joint, watching some Comedy Central when all of a sudden Andy Clark gets up and starts smashing the hell out of your living room while screaming so loud your neighbors call the police on suspicion of a wildebeest mauling.
It would have been a little more realistic if he had simply took a couple of puffs and decided that his old man and wrestling wasn't worth all the bullshit. Instead of hoping that his knee would give, he would've just said "fuck it".
Speaking of fucking (check the segueing skills)...
2.The Breakfast Club would make a great porno movie.
I can't claim this all to myself. My buddy Sarge was over watching TBC with me when we started discussing the possibilities. Honestly, you wouldn't have to change much, just one little cast tweaking is all it would take. Since we have two females and three males, we would just have to make Vernon into a female to even things out. After that though, just use actual scenes as lead-ins to all the fornication. For example, the scene where Bender is staring at Claire's crotch under the desk is perfect! An impromptu cunnilingus session that leads to the principal investigating the ruckus which in turn leads to an orgy. The principal finding Bender in the gym is another one, as is Vernon and the Janitor in the basement files. This whole movie just screams (or should I say moans) for a perverted remake. Call it "The Sexfest Club" or, if you are a little more bold, "The Breakfast Cunt". The choice is yours.
And yes, these are the typical thoughts that flow through my head all day long.
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